1892- Born; goes into immediate occultation.

1936- Charlie Chaplin releases
Modern Times.

1974- Re-emergence.

1978- Bitten by cat; develops fear of dogs.

1985- Attempts to read L. Ron Hubbard's
Battlefield Earth; gives up   
      after 100 pages.

1994- Bristol, England: confronted by a lump of room temperature fat  
      and gristle disguised as a chicken burger Kalder hesitates-
      then eats it anyway.

2001- Moscow, Russia: attends 'world famous' Yuri Kuklachev Cat  
      Theatre.  During the show a cat is placed in a bucket and then
      swung round and round very fast indeed. Otherwise, the
      performance is disappointing.

2005- Left eyeball pulsates unceasingly for two months straight.

2006- London, England: acquires title 'Dr'.

2006- Pflugerville, Texas: booed by child for insufficient love of liberty.

2008- Applies title 'von' to self.

2008-2010- Wastes precious years of this too-short life developing
      several doomed documentary films with multiple TV

2011- Acquires machete from extinct Filipino tribe with decorative
      monkey skull strapped to the blade.  

2014- Eats donut near Yale University